Equal Parts of the Whole
by EarmuffedAmazon
Summary: Aftermath of Cassidy's Death. Mostly Dick's Perspective. Rated M for Lang.


_I don't know why I couldn't get this out of my head…and I needed a few more moments showing us how Dick was really handling things with Cassidy. I don't own Veronica Mars that's Rob Thomas and company. I'm just in the mood for some angsting, and the characters are perfect…_

**Equal Parts of the Whole**

"My _name_ is Cassidy!"

Everything is falling down around him, and nothing he does now will fix it. He can't overpower Logan, and he doesn't want to. He's sick of fighting, of hiding. Thanks to Veronica Mars, and all her nosing around -her desperate need to show the truth, even in it's ugliest light…everyone would know his awful secrets.

"Cassidy, don't."

There's a vague thread of pleading in Logan's voice and Cassidy remembers what it was like…before everything went to shit. When he could pretend that he was normal. That if it would all just stay quiet, he'd be okay.

"Why not?"

Cassidy doesn't plead. It's as simple and as complex as those two words. He knows there's nothing that can save him now. He's lost again. Always the loser, the second thought, the fucked up reason for this moment in the first place. And Cassidy won't go to jail. Logan doesn't say anything, can't even open his mouth in a mockery of trying to talk him down.

"That's what I thought."

He doesn't turn his back on them, on Veronica desperately clutching Logan, anger, vindication and sorrow in her face. Two steps and he'll finally, _finally_ be free.

Cassidy keeps his gaze on Logan the whole time. Wonders what he'll tell Dick. If he'll lie about how he tried to stop him. He doesn't think so.

And then there's nothing but a rushing of air, a blur of the brick and windows going past his eyes. There's no perfect clarity, no last plea for redemption that won't come, no sound.

He doesn't really feel it when he hits the car. No awareness of going from life into death.

He's just gone.

...

Half the party pig is gone, and Dick is annoyed. He's bored and unexpectedly anxious. Logan's run off, probably to go stalk Veronica. The Beav was off somewhere with Ghostworld and Madison is being a world class bitch.

He's alone. He doesn't like it.

He slumps down on a couch and watches the crowd gyrate to the rhythmic pounding of the music. Everything is still the same and it pisses Dick off. Guess he thought everything would be different once they'd graduated. That suddenly everything would start making more sense. He'd instantly be cooler-a high school graduate, soon to be college bound frat boy. Dick was ready to leave the rumors and drama behind him. He snorts to himself and gives his head a shake.

Nothing ever changes.

He takes another pull off the pig and lets the liquor swirl and rush the annoyance away. Watches the two girls in front of him dance real close. He wonders if they'll make out, and if they'd want some company.

The thought has a smirk pulling at his lips. He gets to his feet, intending to go over there and offer himself for their experimentation.

He's only a couple of steps away when he notices the change and tone of the party. There's a pair of cops in the front door of the penthouse, and a few people try and slip away out the back.

But Dick can already tell the cops aren't here to bust them up; they're pushing their way through the crowd ignoring drinks and smoke. Dick snorts. Logan's behind them, glancing around anxiously. He thinks Logan's probably paid them off.

Dick frowns.

Why would he need to? They have the whole top floor to themselves, and no one has ever been bothered about their parties before.

Dick stumbles drunkenly and makes his way towards them. Maybe Logan's supreme asshole of a dad was causing more trouble? Either way, Logan's back so he can finally get into a party mood. He just needed his wingman present. Even if he sits there the whole time brooding.

Chicks dig brooding.

He stumbles again practically falling into Logan. Dick grabs his shoulder to steady himself and grins at his friend. Offers the hose leading into the pig.

"Dude! There you are. You look like you can use a swig of the pig!" Dick laughs at his own joke. He stops when he notices that Logan hasn't responded to his quip. There's not even a smirk or an eye roll. Dick blinks a little at him, bringing him into a sharper focus. "Come on, it was kind of funny!"

"Dick, come with me okay?" Logan's staring intently into his face, anxious and pale looking. Dick shrugs and follows Logan back out into the hallway. He grins and elbows Logan when he sees the tubby nerd Ghostworld went to the prom with making out with a girl from the debate team. Dick stops to poke fun, but Logan grabs his elbow and drags him towards the elevator.

"Dude!" He sputters but continues to stumble after Logan who's walking briskly to jab his finger into the down button on the elevator. "What is your problem?" He glances back to see the cops have followed them, staring at them like they're about to flip out. "And what's with the bacon being here?"

The cops don't even react to his insult and Dick is struggling to make that make sense. Why were the cops here…and what was going on with Logan? Logan turned towards the uniformed pair and glared at them.

"I've got this. We're going downstairs." Logan's voice is harsh and firm. One of the cops tries to protest, but he's clearly never delt with anyone with the last name of Echolls because Logan completely ingores his open mouth. Just turns away as the elevator dings open and shoves Dick inside. Steps in after him and closes the doors on the cops annoyed expressions.

"Dude, what the fuck is going on?" Dick is getting annoyed again. The party is in the other direction and he doesn't like the way Logan's acting. It's making him uneasy. The emotion radiating from Logan is making him lose the happy feeling he was getting from his buzz.

Logan turns to face him then, and it's his expression, sorrow and pity that makes his stomach roll.

"Dick…"Logan starts but he falls silent for a moment, clearly struggling with something. It fucking pisses him off.

"What?" Dicks snarls and drags a hand through his shaggy blonde hair. "Veronica need to interrogate me about who stole some little old ladies cat?" At the mention of Veronica Logan pales even more and his hands tighten into fists. Dick wonders if they're going to spend their graduation night fighting about her again.

Logan shuts his eyes briefly, then shakes his head. "No. I needed to tell you something before someone else told you." The anger that Dick was expecting wasn't there. Just resignation, sadness and that goddamn pity again. Dick just shifted back and forth on his feet.

"Just spit it out already, cause man are you seriously wigg'n me out." Dick mumbles, letting his own anger wash back. They aren't going to fight tonight. Logan stares at him for another moment before he just blurts it out.

"Cassidy's dead."

It takes a minute for the words to sink in. He blinks rapidly, lungs seizing before the air rushes out.

Dick doesn't believe it.

"Fuck you." He blurts it out, stands up straight, glaring at Logan. "That's not even fucking funny after the year we've had."

There's a brief flash of the bus going over the side of the cliff, and just how close it came to being them…all of them. Beaver and himself included.

"Dick, I'm being serious. I'm so sorry. Cassidy, he-he jumped off the roof." Logan is tripping over his words, holding his hands flat out as if he could hold Dick together through force of will alone. "I'm sorry."

"Bullshit! Beaver would never do that! You're not fucking funny Echolls!" Dick snarls and charges at him, fisting his shirt in his hands and slamming him against the reflective doors.

"Dick, -"

"Shut up!" Dick roars in his face. "He wouldn't! He wasn't suicidal or depressed or anything! Beav was coming with us to college next year, remember? Fuck'n so excited to follow Ghostworld…"

Logan's gaze hasn't changed, still filled with that god-damned guilt and sorrow. Dick slams him against the doors again. He has to make that expression go away. Because it's not true.

"I'm sorry." Logan swallows heavily. "Dick, I'm sorry. He jumped."

"You're lying!"

Logan grips his wrists and pushes him back a little but doesn't let go.

"I'm not lying Dick. I saw him jump."

"No! Bullshit!" Dick pulled fruitlessly in Logan's grip. "Why would he do that? Huh? He wouldn't do that!" Belatedly he realizes he's got tears in his eyes, his stomach is rolling and pitching and he wants to barf all over the both of them. He clamps teeth down on his lip and closes his eyes. "He had no reason to…he wouldn't do that." It's a whisper now, and Logan loosens his grip on his wrists.

"He blew up the bus…and he killed Woody-" Logan starts but doesn't finish. Dick's ripped his hands free and he clocks Logan for all he's worth. Logan crashes over into the side rail and Dick picks up the pig that had dropped uselessly from his hands earlier. The liquor had all but spilled out. Dick still throws it at him.

Logan ducks his head, the pig striking him in the shoulder.

Dick wants to kick him, keep on hurting him until he tells the truth, not the lies that he's telling now. Because Beaver would never do something like that. He was an uptight, goody-two shoes and he hardly stood up for himself.

Let Dick do it for him. Stand up for him-or pick him apart. Dick clenches and unclenches his fits and when Logan still looks at him with fucking pity instead of anger he moves forward, intending to stop that _god-damned look. _

But then the elevator doors open.

Red and blue lights flash across the walls of the lift. He turns his head slowly and he can see down the long expanse of hallway, out the big, wide windows and clear doors of the hotel. There are several police cars with lights whirling furiously.

Sound rushes into his ears muffling everything around him and Dick can feel himself panicking. His breath is short and his vision darkens, narrows until all he can see is the police tape surrounding a car with a flattened roof. There are cops keeping a crowd back, camera flashes, and EMT's reaching for a body.

_No. _

He doesn't even know that he's said it. Dick doesn't see Veronica standing a few feet away with Mac, tearfully telling a cop everything that's happened that night. Doesn't see Logan get to his feet and reach out for his shoulder. Everything is just rushing noise in his head.

He starts to run.

People reach for him, their fingertips graze him as he blurs by. He's always been the athlete of the two of them. Something he'd teased Beav about all the time. He'd laugh and leave him struggling behind, desperately trying to keep up. He doesn't think it's so funny now that their roles are reversed.

He stumbles and pushes past people. They reach, but they can't touch him.

He gets to his brother just as they are lowering him down from the car onto the gurney, into a black bag. Beaver doesn't like the dark.

_NO!_

The scream alerts the EMT's and they turn to look at him, zipping his brother up and away slowly.

Dick won't allow it. They can't have him, they can't take him. Everything else feels so very far off. He shoves them away and they go down hard. Dick is stronger than he looks and rips the bag away from Beaver.

The rushing stops.

It's just Beav...broken and bloody with his eyes wide open, staring sightlessly up.

For an eternity that's all he can see. His brother's brain and blood and broken bones. His dead, lifeless brown eyes.

Then just as suddenly, it's like a rubber band snapping back into place. Sound rushes with a roar into his ears and he's suddenly aware that he's screaming, a harsh hallow sound with no words. Hands on him, pulling him back and away. Dick fights them; hanging on to the gurney with his brother lying there so damned still.

He hangs on with everything he has. It's no good, no damned use. They pry his fingers from the nylon mesh of the bag; they pry his hand that'd settled on Beav's arm. He's dragged away, out of sight of the flashing cameras. He fights and twists, tries to reach for his brother.

"_CASSIDY!"_

But they're still taking him away.

They can't take him away. Beaver...Cass always comes with him. Follows him. He's been just been _there_, next to him as long as he can remember. It's supposed to be the two of them. No matter what. Just the two of them. Fuck Dad, Mom and Kendel. Just the two of them.

It isn't fair that he's the one being left behind.

...

_I just had some angsting I wanted to get out. Reviews are lovely. Hope you enjoyed._


End file.
